


youth decay

by cheinsaw



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Abuse, Gen, Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 23:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4765481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You, Chris Yukine, have been hurt your whole life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	youth decay

i.  
The first thing you can remember is screaming.

When you got the news that your parents died you yelled, shrieked, cried until you went hoarse and your head felt all fuzzy. You barely remember the after, just screaming, and loneliness, and nothing.

It is very much empty. An empty life.

You, Chris Yukine, child of two musicians, gifted in the art yourself, swear to give it up. What use is there? All it did was get your parents killed. What use is there? What use is there for someone like you?

 

ii.  
"Won't you sing for me?"

The lady kneels in front of you, a deep red pendant dangling from her finger. You glare. All these years of being pushed around have taught you never to trust anyone. Especially not adults. Besides, you hate singing.

"This necklace is all yours if you just sing for me... Chris."

"Piss off."

She laughs, throwing her head back. "My, that's quite the language for a twelve-year-old." You're thirteen, but you don't correct her. "Just one song."

"She won't cooperate," one of the men says. "You gotta hit her."

"Oh, that won't be necessary quite yet." The woman with silk hair looks at you again. "Sing, please. Unless you would like to make things difficult."

You are a master at making things difficult, but the thought of another night spent recovering from a beating makes you reconsider.

"Just one song," she repeats.

You _hate_ songs. Yet you shut your eyes, and you open your mouth, and you glow.

 

iii.  
When Finé ties you up it's no surprise that she wants to hurt you. Everyone has hurt you, so why should she be any different?

"You are all mine now... I love you, Chris," she says, smooth like honey. "Pain will bring us closer together." Her finger, trailing along your cheek. Her eyes, impossibly gold and warm. That look, how it makes you feel like you matter, that for once you are important. "Are you ready?"

She doesn't wait for a response.

 

iv.  
The Nehushtan armor fits your body more comfortably than any clothing. It's silver, covering you like water, and you're honored Finé's allowing you to wear it. You can't be hurt anymore, not while it's coating your skin.

"Capture the girl," Finé had told you before you left. "By any means necessary."

Easier said than done. The girl has a friend, a stronger Gear user, who's willing to risk death to protect her from you. You can't get past her, can't break through her defenses. But going back to Finé empty-handed is scarier than anyone you'll ever fight.

 

v.  
She's strong. She's too strong. They're all too strong and you don't know what to do anymore.

 

vi.  
Useless. Worthless. Piece of shit waste of space stupid little girl. They're things you've heard millions of times before, and you'd thought by now the sting would be less painful, knowing you mean  _nothing_.

You want to go home.

If there's even somewhere you can call that anymore.

 

vii.  
When you wake from a nightmare you hurt all over. You're wrapped in something soft, your achy limbs heavy against the fabric. Your mouth tastes like blood and bitterness.

"You're awake," a shy, sweet voice says. "I got worried."

It's that girl. It's that girl from before, whose friend you beat up. Immediately you jolt up, ready to attack. She doesn't look like she's here for a fight, but you know better than to trust appearances.

You are in a strange adult's house, naked and defenseless. That alone is enough to make you tremble in fear.

 

viii.  
Miku is so soft. You allow her to wash your back, displaying the patterned bruises obviously put there on purpose. And yet, she says nothing, simply working away at her task.

"You're quiet, huh?"

"Mmm." She's gentle, her fingers unknotting the tense muscles in your shoulders. You can feel your body relaxing, loosening, uncoiling from its tight defenses.

No one has ever touched you with a kind hand before.

Do you deserve even that?

 

ix.  
If only, if only. You might never be good enough to live a happy life, to know what it's like to spend a day without pain. But the spark is there, within you. _You're not a bad person_ , Miku said, before you parted. Maybe someday you'll be able to believe it.

You hurt.

But it'll heal. It always does, in time. It always does, leaving nothing but scars and memories.

 

x.  
On the top floor of an abandoned office building, you're safe and secure. Hidden in plain sight, a place to sleep, to call your own. A roof over your head, a blanket to keep you warm and dry. A stash of junk food pocketed from convenience stores, and Ichaival's weight around your neck.

You are on your own, finally. And it is the most free you've ever been. Never again will you answer to someone who wants only to hurt you.

You, Chris Yukine, will be no one's prisoner. You will be only yourself.


End file.
